i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize