He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
