I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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