the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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