How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
