Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
