she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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