We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
