It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
