C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
