I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
