I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
