why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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