Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
