You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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