distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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