My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
