took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
