Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We had to coat check the pizza.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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