I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
