In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
