sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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