they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
