i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Congratulations! We have a period
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
