What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
