last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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