I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
