Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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