It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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