and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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