why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
