was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
