Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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