with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
