man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize