Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
