I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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