I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
