I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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