oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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