I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
