So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
