they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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