I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
