Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sponge bath it is.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
