i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
