I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
