i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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