I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
