ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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