i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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