Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
