My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
