Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
