She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
