I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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