He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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