Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
