I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
