I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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