OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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