Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
