Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize