Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize