I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
