tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
