Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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