We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
