Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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