Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
