ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
