Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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