dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
