Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
