16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize