Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
