We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
