Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
