Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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