I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
