the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
