just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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