So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
