Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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