Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
