There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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