i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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