You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
