College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
