I look better un-naked...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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