left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
