If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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