Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
