He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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