i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
