i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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