I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
