Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
