I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
