Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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