does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
