talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
