office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize