Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
nutella sex= disaster
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
