I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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