I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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